Passing

BY AYESHA NOOR

Photograph by Ahmed Asim.

I have recently learned

that, apparently, I am white passing 

I know that my light skin

& my faded - but not too faded - California accent afford me certain privileges

but I’ve seen too many nostrils of upturned noses

lips curled over teeth I wish were crooked and yellowing 

when the words “I’m Pakistani” leave my mouth

to be proud of being white-passing

to be happy about it

I have bled too many times for my brown-ness

have hidden behind too many I’m Americans

have hated myself too often for hating my ancestors

to give them the sigh of relief they want to hear when they tell me I am white-passing

I may be uncomfortable in my brownness 

scared to admit to it sometimes 

but I refuse to give it up

for better or for worse

It is my identity 

It is my community

It is my culture 

It is my home 

Ayesha (@ayesha.v.noor) is a Dubai-based poet and spoken word artist who writes about topics she is passionate about. She is a mental health advocate, feminist and activist for those who are being marginalized by stigmas.